CC Manual – Project 6
TM Abdel Rahman El Hosseiny | The Seeds
Dad do you love me? Mom do you love me? Zizo do you love me? Yes Hamza we all love you!!! But Zizo said he doesn’t love me!!!
This is the question my 3 year old son asks every day.
Contest chair, ladies and gentlemen, do you have children? Do you love them?
The way we express our love to our children determines their mental capabilities, their fluency of speech, and most importantly, will shape their personalities and their perception of life.
It is like the seeds we plant and nurture every day and our children will harvest what we have planted into their minds.
It is often difficult to control the intensity of emotions we feel for our children and there are various ways in which we express our love to our children:
You are stupid, you don’t understand. You are lazy, lazy.
You will never succeed. You can’t focus.
These parents express their love in a destructive way; they expect too many achievements from their children and want them to behave like adults. They use destructive love and focus only on children’s’ mistakes and send negative messages all the time in order to push them to do better.
Children know themselves from our words; a 3 year old boy doesn’t know the word Stupid or its meaning. We label him as stupid; we teach him how to be stupid. Later on we are surprised why he is stupid!
Sweet heart, you lost the 500 AED I gave it to you, here you go.
If you want anything, ask the maid don’t do it yourself sweetie.
Some parents believe that to love children means it is their duty to do things for them. So at six years old, a child is still being dressed and is considered too young to tie his own shoes, or comb his own hair.
Such Excessive love shape the children to become like a soft eggs which needs constant protection. Even as he grow, he has a weak chance of emotional and mental maturity, they get offended easily and always whine and complain when others don’t give them the same pampering.
Other parents express their love in an overprotective way. They always see their children less than their real age and want to take every decision for them in order to protect them from making mistakes.
A friend of mine, his mother used to reject all his requests to try new activities and used to take all his decisions. She made him an engineer and he got married at the age of 26. Later on, he changed his career to photography and divorced his wife and left his daughter.
Now he lives his teenager days at the age of 30.
Do I look confident to you? People who know me, can you depend on me?
I have great parents who have given me the right love, while at that time I felt they didn’t:
They never made my life easy; they gave me responsibilities all the time:
At the age of 8, nobody used to wake me up every early morning, I have my alarm and it was my responsibility; if I am late for school I bear the consequences.
I had pocket money at the age of 7 and learnt that if I spent it all before the end of the week; I will watch my colleague buying things I cannot afford.
They taught me to be strong and bear pain
Once I came home with a friend with bloody noses, I remember my father’s reaction very well. Without moving an inch, he said ‘go and wash your face’, while the other child’s parents took him to the hospital.
My father has enforced my positive image;
He used to tell me: “you are a big man, in my absence you are in charge”.
In front of his friends he used to say: “I depend on him in many cases, and he never let me down”.
Once nobody was able to open a jam jar, with a very serious face, he told them “give it to Abdel Rahman he will open it for you”; and I did! Not because I love strawberry jam but because of his trust.
They let me make mistakes and never interfered in my decisions.
They used to tell me always: it’s acceptable to make mistakes, but it is not acceptable to make the same mistake again.
Childhood days and especially the first 6 years, shape who we are today. If we want our children to be better than whom we are today; we need to see the world through their eyes and give up the illusion they are adults.
They don’t need excessive love; they need responsibilities. They don’t need over protective love they need to learn from their own mistakes; definitely they don’t want destructive love, they need positive images.
Children crave for appreciation and to hear “excellent, you are a good boy!” They need to be cuddled, kissed and hugged; they need to hear “I love you” always. Children are like a spouse needs constant reassurance.
A child who knows she is loved has a great head start on life. She is happier and calmer, and is able to form better relationships. A child who knows he is loved is more confident, able to bear disappointments, has a positive outlook on life and enthusiastic and eager to try new things.
Our children PAUSE if they don’t have love; nothing else they may have will matter; if they have love, everything else will be easy for them to achieve.